Irish Road Rant - Recently Updated Pages

Truckers:

jesk — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 10:20:07 CDT

The truckers of this county have to put up with a lot of crap in their working lives for not much reward, but I have yet to see (& I have driven on 3 continents) a more professional, courteous, & road-knowledgeable bunch of guys (&, presumably, girls).

I have not experienced anything like this elsewhere, & I would like to get this one on the record, as there is nothing on the Irish media that I can find.

You give me hope, lads. Don’t let the bastards grind you down.

Astonishing decline in rail freight in Ireland:

RTE News Nov 07

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My views on the peculiarities of Irish motoring:

jesk — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 05:33:08 CDT

Key tenet: Animals like speed. This is why Rover sticks his head out of the car window. The human animal is no exception. All governments can do is manage this. This costs lots of money.

Addendum to the Key Tenant: Normal people like cars, and not just as white goods. 2007 statistics show there are now 2,296,393 vehicles on the road in this republic, an increase of 157,713 or 7.37pc on 2005 total.

UPDATE TO BELOW: Laws now added, but will they be enforced??
Irish Independent Oct 07

We now have in Ireland:

high tech, new, safe, regularly tested cars, with airbags, ABS, traction control, etc. NCT Inspection List
improving N roads; rest of them are shite, but only German tourists use those, right?. NRA National Route Activity 07
decidedly low tech drivers: over 400,000 card carrying incompetents: Irish Times Aug 06; Irish Independent July 07
questionable approaches to relieving the huge backlog in completed driving tests:Irish Independent Oct 07, Irish Independent Aug 07 and yet again: Irish Independent Dec 03
a stubburn bunch of Klingons that refuse to wear seatbelts: "Ya cannay change the laws of physics"; as of April 07, only 86% of Irish drivers and front seat passengers here wear seat belts. This compares to 97% of French drivers.
Lots of needless death: Irish Independent Aug 07

Always amazes me that:

We are more concerned by what status & registration number that a given car has, than by how it is driven. In the old Ireland, this was just a symptom of pure envy, & expressed as such; of course now we dress this up in the language of environmental concern. Irish Independent Sept 06

You can drive without passing any test in this country. Simply apply for a provisional driving license, & you are set for 3 years. I am not making this up: Irish Citizens Information

However, the law stipulates you cannot drive unaccompanied (by a full license holder) on years 1 & 3. This is never enforced. What about year 2, I hear you ask? Not required. Baffling...

This Republic did not have a Ministry Of Transport until very recently (Mid-2002). Quelle surprise!

We are throwing up housing estates all over the country in months that have to wait 10 years for road markings or signage to get to them. This is where most of our children hang out. Irish Independent Aug 07

Statistics:

According to the European Transport Safety Council 2007, Ireland is 6th from bottom of EU road safety table for reduction in road deaths between 2001 & 2005, ahead only of such leading lights as Poland, Hungary, Cyprus, Malta & Lithuania.

Yes, small kids have to die before anything changes. Nearly half of all child injury deaths in Ireland were caused by road traffic accidents, reflecting an upward trend since 1994 (Department of Health, 2000).

Insurance:

So many manual gearboxes are sold in cars here as a conscious choice! Surely given the limited abilities of the average driver in Ireland, automatics would be far the better option. I firmly believe that manual cars have more accidents than automatics: I maintain that a stick-shifter & clutch combo is far more of a distraction than a mobile phone. I further believe that insurance premia should start to reflect this. This would, in turn, lead to safer roads.

In any case, the key reasons that people give why they prefer manuals (being in control, more performance) are the very things that are not exhibited by them as drivers in the real world.

My theory, based largely on Irish population demographics:

1. A core of mediocrity in driving standards which lead to dawdling & indecision on main roads, especially among middle-aged & senior motorists. These people clearly fly in the face of nature (see the key tenant above)

2. A "yoof" culture fuelled by Playstation drifting, idolising anything with a Vtech engine on 4 Yokohamas.

The above, combined with remaining single carriageway main roads, leads to fundamental speed differential of approx 50 kph. A recipe for disaster...

Incidentally, this duality is also reflected on Irish radio: all the stations are geared for one or the other group. Go ahead, have a dial-surf & see.

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Media

jesk — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 18:21:54 CDT

(seems obligatory on this type of site)

Cool cars in films / TV:

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (I know it is kind of sad, but that reveal gets me every time)
DB5 from “Goldfinger” (machine guns behind the indicators, ‘nuff said, really)
Bullitt Mustang (just listen to that exhaust note)
Alfa Spider from “The Graduate” (see above).
Gold Camaro from “The Rockford Files” (preferably dusty after an LA car chase)
Eliminator from various ZZ-Top videos; (well, not so much the car, more the contents)

Cool white cars (only when I was assembing these lists did I realise that so many happened to be white):

Stutz Bearcat, “The Bearcats” TV series from the Seventies (see above; includes a monocle windshield, how cool is that?)
Strange Volvo from “The Saint”
Dodge Challenger from “Vanishing Point” (nice, if dated, road movie)
Corvette Stingray from “The Magician” (As a kid during the space race, these were astronauts’ cars)
Lotus Esprit from “The Spy Who Loved Me” (classic wedge).

And queen of them all, the afore-mentioned red Lambo Miura from “The Italian Job” (complete with headlight surrounds modeled on the human female eye, see below). The gold car below is in the Lambourghini museum in Sant'Agata Bolognese, & I was allowed to sit in the driver's seat, which made my holiday:

Feel good driving music:

To pump up:

The Man In Black: "I've been Everywhere"
The Boss: “All or nothing at all”, “Gloria's Eyes”
Tom Petty: "State Of Grace"

Summer:

Phil Lynott: “Old Town”
Daft Punk: “Digital Love”

When it is gloomy:

Anything by Clannad
Gregorian Chant

To calm down:

JS Bach
GF Handel

My favorite TV programs:

Top Gear (BBC 2, UK Gold) – bet this was a surprise inclusion.
American Hot Rod (Discovery Real Time, Discovery Turbo) – Boyd (above) & his seagull managerial style never fails to make me laugh.
Wheeler Dealers (Discovery Real Time, Discovery Turbo) - Edd China, you’re the man…
House MD (Channel 6, when they can be bothered).
One Foot In The Grave (UK Gold) – I’m like the son Victor never wanted.
Italy, Top To Toe – Francesco Da Mosta (BBC2) – Paese del Dio.
Francesco’s Venice – Francesco Da Mosta (BBC2) – Tesoro del mondo.
Mock The Week (BBC 2) - ripping the piss out of the news stories of the day.

Other portents of pain:

jesk — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 18:20:02 CDT

Dyslexic "L-plate", as illustrated: . If they are not capable of spotting their error, how can they read junction road signs correctly?

Padre Pio sticker - a nice chap, recently sainted, shame about his fan club's standard of driving.

Any evidence of a high-visibility vest within a car.

Milk-white elbow sticking out from driver's side.

Milk-white arm flopping out of driver's side.

Breast Awareness loop (believe me if I was anymore breast aware, I'd rear-end you...)

Anything with a Wicklow or Clare plate. It must be the isolation, bless...

Twin Munster rugby flags; missing chromosome on wheels.

Drink driving (RTE News Aug 07):

I don't agree with this practice for the following reasons:

1. Irish in-duh-viduals are none too clever at this driving malarky stone cold sober.

2. Venturing onto the road in your second biggest life expenditure & facing the "unique challenges" of Irish motoring, undoubtedly requires a full set of faculties to return alive.

3. It increases your chances of having to deal with some roundy-faced culchie fresh out of Templemore with singular ideas regarding law enforcement.

4. Getting around being done will involve lining the pockets of some slimy ambulance-chaser: Irish Examiner April 06

5. You'll spill it, cause you're driving a manual.

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Limerick Liabilities (warning, contains traces of bile):

jesk — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 18:18:35 CDT

Chariots of the Dogs: Top 13, will be unlucky for some poor bastard (more to follow when I make more of them up):

13. Benz W124 taxi; “professional” driver whose personal diction, opinions, habits & hygiene would push the most ardent supporter of Intelligent Design firmly into the Darwinism camp; these throw-backs should not be encouraged in any way; do a runner if cornered for money. Visit Cologne to compare & contrast.

12. VW Passat, lack-of-imagination silver (official VAG colour); Fianna Fáil staff car, or Skoda Octavia (Labour) if working class; either way, pilot oblivious & no indicators fitted.

11. BMW / Audi, older shapes; with blacked-out windows, multi-coloured body panels, LT or PL plates, scraping along pavement as driver comes to terms with driving on the wrong side of the road; stunning female passenger; said Garda paperwork prevents him being pulled for going 127 in a 100 zone: Irish Independent Aug 07 or Irish Independent Aug 07; limited life expectancy, as he may get tanked at the weekend on the readies he does not send home & end up heading backwards, inverted, down a carriageway near you.

10. Generic Jappo Coupe, avec ridiculous stickers & a spoiler you could surf on, Anto at the tiller, bored 16 year old Cherise in shotgun seat, stereo the most powerful / expensive thing on the car; en-route to Halfords for an up-rated performance air filter that will finally blow the head gasket. Ever notice that these are always for sale?

09. Red / White Van: Hiace / Transporter / Tranny; time travel attempted on most journeys either backwards or forwards; powered by jumbo breakfasht rolls.

08. Renault Laguna, missing an alloy; two flavours here, fast & inept, & slow & inept.

07. Toyota Yaris; blue-rinse bucket, usually ’99 reg, with optional Solemn (is there a frivolous kind?) Novena sticker.

06. Renault Senic / Opel Zafira; school run pajama-zombie, fag in gob, texting as she goes, 14 kids loose inside, some upside down; most likely motorist to stab you if confronted over her hogging the yellow box junction.

05. Honda Civic; driver's baseball cap label (not logo) legible as its not possible to get credit car between his bumper & yours. At least he is behind you, & not poisoning you with his bucket exhaust. May be under pressure soon from yet another silly law: Irish Independent Sept 07. Yes, he is wearing a Celtic shirt.

04. Opel Astra / Tigra, paint still wet; pram-faced up-&-cumming wench with humongous hoop earrings; quite nippy when Vodaphone Live signal craps out; if only Burberry upholstery was an option…

03. Toyota Avensis; always this years reg, only remaining proof that there is money in farming; recently promoted Corolla culchie, now driving (incredibly badly) the most boring car on the planet.

02. Hyundai Accent in gold (Review); very large air freshener & GAA wristbands only function of rear view mirror; slow, slow, ssllooww; I get car-sick just looking at it. Owners aspire to own our winner:

01. Toyota Corolla Xli, in red with at least one dented panel; the car with the most complex set of controls this side of the Millennium Falcon, if the struggling drivers are any guide; L-pate is optional as it’s presence or otherwise will not indicate in the slightest the skill level on display; distrust ANY signaling including brake lights; if you are stopped behind it at a junction, you may as well park up & get a bite, as 1st gear will elude the genius pilot for 20 of your Earth minutes.

You know who you are, and you and your Ma got your licenses from a lucky bag…

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Magic Roundabouts

jesk — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 18:13:25 CDT

I am broadly in favour of roundabouts; much more effective than traffic lights at shifting metal along efficiently. However, Irish approaches to Irish challenges:

It is a Yield Sign, not a Stop Sign; the “car in front may be a Toyota” but it will pull more braking g than Lewis Hamilton at Monaco to give way to a non-existent emergency vehicle. Perhaps because of:

Local direction signs at the Yield line on the roundabout, on poles so short that they actually block your view of the huge Scania that is about to make your car L shaped.

Top Tip: Town councils, why not plant lots of tall trees in the middle to limit visibility even more?

Roundabouts on minor junctions that you could build 3 semi-detached houses on the middle circle. With gardens. There are moons of Jupiter with less diameter & more intelligence behind them.

Don't indicate, 'cause that would be telling...

Indicate right (often in the left hand lane), then go straight-on like the meathead that you are.

Recently (Summer 07) a very busy 4-way junction near me was apparently positively affected by a traffic light failure. Initially and for about 2 days after, the old bulb-lights were left in place (albeit off), followed by a similar period where the light fittings were removed in their entirety.

Before these were replaced with brand new LED units, for that 5 day period the traffic never moved as well. Between us, my wife and I must have passed through this junction 25 times in total, & were never delayed, or even stationary. There was also no sign of queuing on the 2 minor roads on either side. Nor was there any accidents or evidence thereof. Now that they have been restored, traffic queues are a regular occurrence again.

Why even have lights there? At least, why not get a bean-counter with a clipboard to monitor traffic build up with & without them & scrap them if the benefit is indeed apparent? How many more junctions like this must exist??

Unless there is a pissing contest of some sort going on with neighbouring towns regarding how many traffic lights they each have, this does not make any sense.

Arrggh!!

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2 - 4 - 6 - 8, er, - Dual Carriageways:

jesk — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 18:10:52 CDT

Thou shalt not:

Slow down on the approach slip road / ramp to the DC. This is designed for acceleration to DC speeds, & is a safety measure. Why are you on a DC if you want to drive slowly?

Tailgate anything you have no intention of overtaking (this applies even more on single carriageways roads).

Move into the right hand lane, filling the safety gap the person behind has left for themselves, often without indication. Often leads to next one:

Refuse to move from the right hand lane while driving at 95 kph, necessitating "undertaking".

Look completely bemused while this dangerous but now very necessary manoeuvre is being accomplished.

Drive in echelon with any other vehicle, sitting right on their blind-spot (the pedal on the right is the accelerator).

Impose the speed limit on anyone else via your driving style (please join the Guards if you feel the need to police).

Others:

These people need to learn to judge both speed and distance to avoid:
Moron pulls out from a side road into the tiniest of gaps as if he is in a blinding hurry, & then proceeds as if he has all the time in the world (i.e. 40 kph). This one drives me crazy.

Merely slapping on an indicator does not automatically give you the right of way. Women drivers are particularly guilty of this one, as if their mere condescension to indicate gives them automatic precedence.

Do not give up your right of way on the grounds of courteous driving if the resultant pile-up will ruin everyone's day. i.e. slam on the anchors to let someone out of a side road. This activity is very much en vogue in rural areas & in provincial towns.

Motorways:

If you have an "L"-plate (& most of you seem to), you are not wanted here; find another route to visit your lovely Mayo mammy. AA Ireland has an "avoid motorways" option for a reason.

West Link Toll, aka "Please remove your dick from my ass". Irish Independent Oct 06; Irish Independent Nov 04 & again: Irish Independent Sept 07

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On the buses:

jesk — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 07:26:18 CDT

Only country in the world that the buses arrive & leave earlier than scheduled, and so are unutterably useless to man or beast. Limerick Post Summer 07

Locals have their eye on the ball (if only concerned motorists were as militant): Limerick Bus Blog

Interesting piece on the challenge facing governments in getting people out of cars & into anything else; UK-related, but I suspect ROI situation would be more extreme, due to lack of an alternative: Daily Telegraph Sept 07

Other public transport:

Irish Air Rage

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Parking & how to screw it:

jesk — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 16:59:27 CDT

Incredibly the ROI is now the second richest country in the world. Finfacts Ireland July 06; however, town centres are dying across the country as parking fascists enforce draconian measures there; rich punters are splurging in retail parks instead, where your abandoned vehicle will not necessarily be permanently immobilised or destroyed in a controlled explosion for clipping a bit of yellow paint.

So the humble meter maid is contributing to urban sprawl. Chambers of Commerce across the State need to wake up to this one. A review of all yellow lines here is also well overdue.

Bus users have less spending power than motorists, so why penalise the serious cash that is keeping your town centre alive?

Common encounters:

My car does not have a sun-roof, so please do not park so close to me. Still, there is always the ski-hatch…

Yes, just throw open that driver door outside Spar, I’ll swerve into oncoming traffic avoid it.

As per Woody Allen: “its ok, we can walk to the kerb from here”.

Its not an articulated lorry, it’s a Nissan Micra.

Why not drive into the space, instead of spending 10 minutes rocking back & forth causing a tailback, you mother & father of all spanners?

& finally an old favourite of mine:

“You could take up three spaces if you parked it sideways, you total ass clown”.

Any populace that bad at parking need obstacles removing, not placing.

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Car-free days

jesk — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 16:57:03 CDT

(only point of which seems to be to prove that Dublin is not Copenhagen, but we already knew that, didn't we?)

So what country do the organisers of these actually think they live in? Are they unaware of the miserable procession of foul weather that troops across the North Atlantic for all but 2 randomly selected weeks of the year? Or perhaps they have missed the subtle nuance that is the glaring lack of an alternative to the automobile in this neck of the woods?

Senses-free days more like…RTE News Sept 04

Yet they persist: Irish Independent Sept 07

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I hate driving in Ireland

jesk — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 02:47:39 CDT

Just to let you know where I am coming from, & why this site exists:

• I am a Kerryman living in Limerick, in a slowly deteriorating part of town (I know this does not narrow things down any, but this is deliberate).

• I used to enjoy driving. But the factors described in this site have closed this avenue of pleasure to me, so that my teeth & sphincter are clenched for every trip to the shops, dreading every clueless maneuver, signal, no mirror, in that order.

• The language you will encounter here is harsh, my views jaundiced by the years of tosh served up by politicians & commentators on the subject. But people are dying because of many of the things I describe here, so I feel strong language is more than justified, it is required.

• I learned to drive in the UK over 22 years ago, & now use an Italian saloon of some grace & pace. Yes, I have to play the Milan electrics game: I do not know from one day to the next what device will fail on the car, only to miraculously heal itself the next day. But it is not a Toyota.

• Said car does not have a working horn at the moment; my blood pressure has suffered as my passive / aggressive antics behind the wheel have been greatly exacerbated by this fact.

• A note on my politics: I am now a reactionary semi-recluse who wants less tax & fewer silly laws. My carbon footprint (& yours) is of supreme indifference to me.

• You may guess, gentle reader, that I am now a cynical person, but be assured it was not always thus: my ideal of motoring was shaped by a scarlet Lamborghini Miura climbing the Italian Alps with Matt Monro on the 8-track; I was 6 years old & knew beauty when I saw it.

• This site & its ravings have been given the explicit support of my wife as a therapeutic exercise. So there.

See also Irish Air Rage

Feel free to be offended by any of the content on this site; this is not always a bad thing, as it can be character building.

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Feedback:

jesk — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 02:47:14 CDT

Now I invite you, the motoring public of Ireland, to submit your opinions on the subjective ravings above.

Perhaps you have a tale to tell regarding your own experiences on the highways of this fair land.
Perhaps you want to have a pop, or slam dunk any of my views.

You’re welcome, so please use the "Add a Comment" button below to do so. You know it makes sense...

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The NRA (the one that makes me want to join the earlier, US-based organisation)

jesk — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 02:28:41 CDT

The Irish could always build roads, but were challenged historically in the separation of bureaucracy & backhanders. It remains to be seen in the flurry to build a 20th century road network in the 7 years of the 21st, how many tribunals will be required to ascertain who bribed who; the matter will certainly be complicated by all the European tenderers now involved as well. Still, at least Turkey’s accession to the EU should help, eh Bertie? The Anglo-Celt Aug 05.

There are no minimum speeds on our national routes. A huge factor in all this carnage has to be dangerous overtaking forced upon otherwise reasonably sane drivers.

Our nearest neighbour (UK) has the safest roads in the EU (proper 6-lane motorways), yet we willfully refuse to leverage their experience; actually our experience, as we built them for the Brits. Call Alanis Morissette, I have another verse for her.

Our best roads are glorified dual-carriageways that have motorway rules applied to them, including the 120 kph speed limit. Our widest road is the N7, in Dublin / Kildare, which is three lanes each way. It is, however, classified as a dual-carriageway, & therefore has a speed limit of only 100 kph.

Signage:

The Irish language has its uses: there are still some Father Jack types that reminisce fondly about declension, syntax & CBS boys cowering in fear. However, the Welsh have proved the dual signage is expensive & useless; believe me, if your national identity is that weak, incomprehensible signs in a dead language are not going to help. RTE News Dec 04 ; in EU - Finfacts April 06

Entire towns have been bypassed by omission: imagine a tourist trying to get from Kildare town to Bray, Wicklow; perhaps the NRA are on commission from Dundrum Shopping Centre, because that is where they will end up. Irish Times March 07

Don’t get too cocky in the unlikely event you do see a sign for the place you actually want to go; if you are foolish enough to follow it, you will never see another on that route; I am not even referring to minor destinations either – Cork anyone? Irish Independent April 98

Get sat nav: who are you going to believe, the NRA or a professional organisation?

Uppers wearing off?

Feeling tired?
Need caffeine?
Irish radio stations so mind-crushingly dull that your ears are actually bleeding?
Can’t open the window for the cyclone of rain that is blasting the paint off of your Japanese car?

Then pull over to one of the many modern Service Stations / Restaurants placed along…Oh wait, they didn’t build any. In fact, now that I think of it, they actively blocked them originally, citing safety reasons. Hmmmm.

Finfacts Jan 07: Will we live to see them?

Until then, to rest we have to drive into the very towns that we have waited for so long to be bypassed. Fuckwits...

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4 wheels good, 2 wheels bad:

jesk — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 02:25:34 CDT

Bikers:

Most of these are irrelevant to normal motorists as, like in most countries, they play by their own rules, & do not engage with normal traffic. They do not queue, for instance, have the power-to-weight ratio of an F16 fighter, & are ridden so fast as to not apply in regular circumstances. They are also committed organ donors, whether they know it or not. Irishhealth.com Aug 05; Irish Independant Aug 07

However, this is Limerick, & sure enough this species has mutated here too. What you actually get is a brain-bypass on a 5 year old Yamaha west coast chopper-style yoke who will not exceed 47 kph, while 2 feet inside the white line. Of course at this speed overtaking anything other than wildlife is impossible.

In short, he rides like the little old lady in the Yaris drives, & this, as Jeremy Clarkson might say, is a bad thing.

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Carry on Sergeant:

jesk — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 10:25:39 CDT

"What 'ave you got on your 'ead?". More retroactive policing on the mean streets of Dublin.

Q: For what respective in the Irish Republic will you be fined (a) €5,000 and (b) €2,000? Answer at bottom of the page...

Fundamentals:

The Garda find themselves hogtied by overly complex, ineffective, unenforceable legislation. Jesus, just count 'em: Statute List up to Dec 04

The old guard within the Force (if that is the right word anymore) are blocking the introduction of the Traffic Corps & Garda Reserve. Sunday Business Post Feb 06

For an organisation of 12,250 members (as of Dec 05), they have over 2,000 vehicles at their disposal; that is only 6 coppers per vehicle. One explanation as to why the numbers of foot patrols are so depressed.

"Pulse" computerised Plod system brought in at great expense, to little positive effect: Irish Examiner March 05

More worried about their own safety (& image) than that of the public's? Independent Aug 07

Most seem too busy filling in forms that regular “civil” servants could get wrong just as easily. Irish Independent Aug 07

More than their fair share of complaints? Irish Independent Aug 07

Another irony is that New York is so well policed by mainly Irish-decended cops. As of 2005, New York City had the lowest crime rate among the ten largest cities in the USA.

PR:

Citizens arrest is no longer applicable here for fear of prosecution. The admonishment normally applied by Judges & Superintendents to have-a-go heroes is "taking the law into one's own hands". As a citizen, I would argue that the law has always been the people's; Police are hired merely as extensions of power & reach. Further, a Force or "Service" that is divorced from the will of the populace that it purports to serve will not get any support & will fail on all counts. That clock is already ticking in the Republic.

A purpose-built station house opened in Feb 2001 in Limerick City that is only open during office hours, in spite of it's relative proximity to two of the nation's most notorious & organised crime-infested hell-holes. Irish Examiner Aug 02

Possible prevention of the rescue of a drowning man? : Independent Sept 07

Road safety:

A road safety top cop in the Republic was recently done for drink driving. Irish Times Mar 07

They are pointing the 3 speed guns in their possession down the wrong type of road; motorways & dual carriageways are statistically the safest. Irish Times Mar 05

Cyclists can now break the speed limit in the nations capital: RTE News Aug 07; so we have a law that is inequitable in & by it's own terms.

Reclaim the streets, or cower in station houses?

Our brave boys in blue can collect their pay without a blush in spite of every town on the state now having at least one no-go area (Limerick has three!).

I suppose this has a lot to do with the EU Political Correctness aspiration that is endemic in most Irish governments, & their fear of the Liberal backlash as a result of loads of riot footage bouncing around the TV networks of Europe if they dare to wade in (nothing to do with driving, but while I’m ranting…) Fitzgerald Report, re Limerick, April 07

A: You will be fined €5,000 for smoking illegally in Ireland. You will be fined €2,000 if you get very drunk, drive your car and kill two people. This has happened.
- Mary Kenny, "The Irish Independent"

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Links:

jesk — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 03:22:32 CDT

Sister site:

Irish Air Rage

General:

Quotes about life in Ireland
Wikipedia

Humour:

Green Party Policies
NRA
DOT
Sniff Petrol
shitedrivers.com
Onion
Irish Motor Tax Rates!! (PDF)

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Cyclists

jesk — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 09:47:24 CDT

The State continues to humour this minority by building more & more cycle paths, mostly where the width of the roadway is scarcely sufficient for the unused bus lane & poor-relation regular traffic. Moreover, these noisy spongers have not made any contribution to the road tax take to be there.

This despite the fact that most of our Limerick lads (never seem to see a female, too much fear of terrible drivers, I guess: Irish Independent June 07) are not the fully kitted out self-righteous beardy-weirdoes with the streamlined crash hat, glow in the dark Sam Browne & clipped cords of Dublin 4.

No, most in Limerick are scangers (Definition), on a clapped out mountain or BMX bike two sizes too small for them, in filthy, jet black tracksuits, no lights & an attitude like a pissed-off pregnant piranha with piles. You must resist the almost overwhelming urge to punt them into the nearest parked truck or skip, for they are most definitely protected by the full force of the law.

These mouth-breathers can also be motorised, on screaming scooters weaving carelessly from wing-mirror to wing-mirror on their way to their FAS course in advanced Breaking & Entering.

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